she wears an egyptian red ring

dreamy bedroom

2011-01-23T18:44:00.000-05:00

serene blissful perfection

Faces & Spaces

2011-01-13T08:03:00.000-05:00

Some Spaces & Faces Rockin my Socks right now ~

Cozy Warm Deliciousness

Muted colors & pattern perfection

dreamy boho kitchen ~ I am dying for the rug ~

&the art reminds me a little place in San Fran that had the most killer eggs bene

& Haight Ashbury kitsch all in one

I want a drum side table. Now.

I am dying for this industrial yet earthy dining room table ~

so fucking cool (via the Sartorialist)

dreamy backyard scene (via Lucky)

nude & black - love

and the preacher said "you know you always have the lord by your side"

2011-01-09T21:21:00.000-05:00

simple things

2011-01-09T21:03:00.001-05:00

2011 has been low key thus far

no great adventures

lack of photo ops

lack of motivation to do much of anything

a few simple moments of sheer simple bliss

coffee perfection on a snowy saturday morning

filled with blog inspirations for decorating my space

music samplings

daydreaming

quiet simplicity

~ as moonlight through the pines

2010-11-28T11:13:00.001-05:00

lake lanier islands, ga

Atlanta v Baltimore (sideline pregame)

the view ~~~

definitely a little slice of heaven on the beaches of lake lanier islands, ga

(at least in the off season)

Completely desolate

tree tops on fire

crystal, reflecting the flaming leaves

as autumn fades into winter

pure bliss

completely awakening my lust to get out there

planning my next escape

35 by 35

2010-09-06T18:23:00.002-04:00

Tis the time for lists - they are everywhere - of course mine marks no particular milestone - except that every day is a new beginning ~~~below are 35 things to accomplish before 35 (April 10, 2014)

1. Drive cross country - the plains, the peaks, the Americana - take it all in - while driving down a desert highway on a Harley Davidson sounds like freedom to me, realistic me would be happy to do so in a car.

2. Learn to surf.

3. Hike to the top of a mountain and take it all in.

4. Read 250 more books - that works out to about 71/year.

5. Write a novel.

6. Live by the sea.

7. Live far away from the city.

8. Go to Hawaii.

9. Watch the Northern Lights in Alaska.

10. Drive the California coast. Visit Big Sur.

11. Stand on a cliff overlooking the sea.

12. Learn to SCUBA dive.

13. Lay in a field in the middle of nowhere and watch the Harvest Moon.

14. Explore Maryland - try to plan a road trip once a month to a town where we've never been and immerse ourselves in the culture.

15. Photograph it all -

16. Run a 5k.

17. Learn a new dish a month - take cooking classes - invite friends over for wine and to sample new cooking ways.

18. Find the thing that makes me ecstatically happy and indulge in it.

19. Spend way too much on a timeless a) purse b) pair of heels & c) watch

20. Volunteer time, money, love, something (without any thought to how it will benefit me)

21. Go back to school.

22. Pick a topic that interests me and immerse myself in everything I can in regards to said topic, moving on to a new one by month's end. Art, religion, music, philosopher - the sky is the limit - to be a student again (on my own terms).

23. Fill my home with only items I love, wear only clothing I love, devote my time to interests that I love -

24. Take a train ride up the east coast in the fall. Maybe to Maine (14 hours!) Maybe somewhere coastal along the way -

25. Camp out under the stars. Swim in cool fall water. Unplug somewhere with my love.

26. Go to the Sea of Cortez.

27. Discover the secret to making Busch's She Crab Soup.

28. Get a boat - spend weekends sleeping on said boat.

29. Cliff dive.

30. Make it a priority to catch the sunsets and sunrises in this life.

31. Discover the perfect coffee bean.

32. Wake up on the beach after a night of drinking heady wine under the stars with my love.

33. Go on a long distance bike ride.

34. Institute a yearly girls only adventure.

35. Plant an herb garden (&not kill everything within 2 weeks)

aspiring ~

2010-08-16T22:25:00.001-04:00

{Sedona, AZ 2005}

last month we moved. finally. it was a ridiculously cleansing process.

we purged.

and then purged some more.

holding on to 'necessities'

letting go of clutter.

it needed to be done

as we were drowning in stuff -

living in a space which for 2 years never felt like home.

not even temporarily.

we moved closer to the city ~ away from the quiet isolation of sparks

there is space here - clean open space

we are slowly unpacking, only bringing things in that we truly love ~

and improving upon the things that we cannot yet afford to completely replace (PB slipcovers for the cream couches that may have truly given their all for rock&roll)

planning dinners ~ resurrecting the breaking of bread amongst friends

eager to try new things in the spacious kitchen that I plan on sprucing with chalkboard paint

&teal french doors

still far away from the sea

but will do for now ~

a farmers market, a block away, with perfect corn on the cob that I could literally eat for dinner every night (much to RSB's horror as he does not consider buttery, old bay spiced corn to be that filling of a dinner)

space to get back to my yoga practice

(which has been woefully ignored since the beginning of July)

an area just for me to edit & write & read to my heart's content

its so close to being there ~

just in need of a little nurturing &

creativity &

love &

light

fear

2010-06-20T17:33:00.001-04:00

I've started and restarted this at least 5 times so far.

Something ingrained in my subconscious keeps screaming "fear is weakness & vulnerability"

Now I am wondering if vulnerability is such a bad thing -

I think jumping out of planes is fun.

Heights are exhilarating.

Public speaking - no big deal.

Swimming in the middle of the ocean is tranquil.

Being alone is peaceful.

Death will come eventually, no need to question the inevitable.

I walked out on an unsatisfying well paying job without anything lined up or even the remotest inkling of a plan.

***

Money. So taboo. Admitting you sometimes don't know how you're going to make it to the next paycheck makes me almost feel ashamed.

I should have it figured out - at least the money stuff - I did have it figured out.

And then the bottom dropped out and the economy went to the shitter.

It keeps sleep at bay. The worry. The drowning sensation.

The adjusting bills and calling companies and asking for extensions.

The not knowing in this arena terrifies me.

***

Snakes.

Caterpillars

{because they are like fuzzy snakes}

***

Wasting potential.

{i consider this the greatest tragedy in a lifetime}

I don't know if this is a feeling everyone has,

burning in their gut...

THE KNOWING

The absolute gnawing growing knowledge that you are supposed to DO something

Accomplish something

Live a life of greatness.

A sharp pain every day you let go by, slip away

Without taking one positive step towards at least understanding what it is

YOU are Supposed

do.

I fear that the days will continue to slip by and I will never figure it out.

I will continue to dabble in things that bring me joy

And devote too much time and energy to things that do not.

We all have to do things we don't like

They Say

That is just the way it is

But Why?

***

I fear I will never live by the sea as I want

Life keeps on getting in the way

***

I used to fear BEING ALONE

I got over that

I realized that is was my fear of never having someone who really

LOVED ME.

&then I began to love me.

Now I revel in time to myself

{shivasna especially}

Simplicity

2010-06-16T22:23:00.003-04:00

Every single time I feel things getting out of control

My solution is to simplify.

Or at least that is the solution that I think will magically solve all my woes.

Drowning in bills and can't seem to catch your breath?

Well simplification will help conserve money.

Everything out of your life feel completely out of control, wizard of oz, house in a twister kind of well?

Well of course simplification will help you gain control again.

Heartbroken, lustful, greedy, envious (inject any of the other deadly sins)

Why, my dear, simplification is surely the key.

I grasp onto this notion. Focus on it. Make plans on how to manifest this simplification notion into a reality. I make lists, mental and physical.

I start the daunting task of organizing and cleaning and packing up bags for Goodwill.

Oh my closet is starting to look good without so much clothing.

Things are picking up.

Simplifying may very well be the cure all duct tape to life!

Day 3 of rice and beans. Some raw veggies. Simple simple simple. That will kick start my newest diet/detox/lifestyle.

No I don't miss those iced skinny vanilla lattes AT ALL.

This simple plain green tea will do just fine. Yummy.

Eagerly waiting for the stress to melt away.

I've adopted a simpler way of living you know.

Raw, fresh, essentials.

Attachments be gone.

Its about 5 days in that I officially crack.

Possessions bagged up for goodwill sit by the front door, creating clutter.

Piles that were once so neatly organized kicked over, bedroom floor even more disastrous than before.

A pizza binge because it is so much better than waiting 45 minutes for the brown rice to steam.

Dishes piling up in the sink from too many late nights.

Snarling at RSB and kitty because they comment on the toppled piles and bags piled by door as I angrily pound a venti iced skinny vanilla latte.

More time goes by.

Corporate hell draining, funds tights (again), a move looming.

When I move I will simplify.

Perfect timing to start fresh.

Let this place go to hell for the next month.

Then I will begin anew.

Beach vac-a-tion at the beginning of July will be the jump start I need.

1 duffel of clothes. Makeup free. Books and ipod.

Fresh farm raw food.

Beach. Sand. Salty air.

Simplification at its finest.

Away from all distractions.

I have this all planned out.

The beginning of a simpler, stress free life

{as I hastily rob Peter to pay Paul with bills}

{and the dishes are overflowing the sink}

{and the recently laundered yoga clothes are in a pile on the bed unfolded wrinkling}

{and the cat is lost somewhere under a pile of too skinny and too fat clothes meowing pitifully}

Yes stress free simplicity

Starts 7/1

~*~*~

One.

2010-06-08T23:21:00.003-04:00

I have a secret. I am really a skinny athletic yogi trapped in a chubby sweaty girls body. Its the truth. She is literally dying to escape.

She is beyond pissed that she can't touch her toes anymore without bending her knees.

98% to backbend is unacceptable to her.

She feels nauseous when she catches a glimpse of herself in mirrors, round and struggling to get into a pose, boobs and belly in the way.

But tonight, for the first time in a long time the chubby yogi and secret skinny mean yogi found common ground.

For the first time

In a long time

There was peace instead of pain in downward dog.

In downward dog the skinny bitch shut her judgmental trap and the chubby yogi found bliss in pose she had been struggling with since getting back into yoga 3 months ago.

For the first time in a long time they were one

Totally entranced in the moment.

&the skinny bitch stayed quiet all the way home.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The 21.5.800 Challenge came most unexpectedly. But I am ever so glad it did.

In my heart of hearts I am a writer. A photographer. But a writer first and foremost.

But blocked.

Very much so.

Blogging - something I always thought would come so easy to me - has been a challenge.

Lately I have been fearful that I have nothing all that interesting to say. That maybe I peaked in college (gasp)

That I have been so engrossed in the corporate nightmare that I have lost my desire to live creatively

Passionately.

But with the pledge to write each day, for 21 days.

I feel.

Inspired.

Hopeful.

A little sore (probably from the double dose of yoga yumminess today)

&ever so grateful.

As I am about to embark on such a blissful journey.

*Seaside (in my mind) of course*

gratitude

2010-05-23T16:57:00.000-04:00

some things bringing super smiles to my face today

signing the lease on a new place I love &I am completely stoked to create my new home - any chance to deco is definitely worthy of a fist pump

& finally being able to create a home here in Charm City as opposed to just a place to lay my head (at least for the time being)

dear dear faithful lost -

you have kept me mesmerized during your entire run.

&tonight it is all coming to an end.

Between losing you &jack bauer whatever will RSB &I have to watch together???

I mean until Sons returns in September (yay Peggy Bundy for being in 2 of my favest shows)

So many questions -

Please do not disappoint.

RSB, my soul - ever so patient with my manic behavior -

can't wait to snuggle in for the 4 hour lost-a-thon with you -

Neverending pots of coffee from local yokel coffee shop - thank you for keeping me going today

&probably fueling my all night study session

xxx

-and then I forgot it

2010-05-22T22:27:00.000-04:00

Once I discovered the meaning of life - love - exisistence - everything.
It was sitting on a dock on a clear day in January in South Tahoe. It was perfectly silent, wonderfully grey, 50 degree day that you get right before a storm rolls in.
We got Starbucks and ate brownies of the most heady variety. Gifted, wonderfully chocolatey decandent dank goodness. We munched on them on the short drive to the dock. Nestled amongst the mountain, white and seeming so small. There was a vastness to the indescribable blue of the glass smooth water, lapping softly on the wood. There was greyish old snow on the ground, slowly melting, running over the rocks into the water.
We sat there for hours. Taking it all in. In silence, drinking our coffees and thoughts racing, perfect calm.
Balance.
Finally the pulsating waves grew further apart.
&there was a second I grasped it all - understood everything.
&instantly forgot

heres to the chance to discover it all again

selby lust

2010-04-11T18:54:00.002-04:00

Gucci Bike

dylan @merriweather

2010-04-03T21:12:00.000-04:00

how I knew he was the one -

he took me to see dylan. why? not because he wanted to see him (which he totally did) but because he knew dylan was my fave & I had never seen him - & because I told him that I knew my previous ex wasn't the one, as he would not take me to see him because he "hated his music."

So we went &sat in the grass &drank beers &took it all in.

&I love RSB more each and every day

inDEADnation

2010-04-03T19:33:00.000-04:00

RSB's newest venture - reworking the tunes of GD - fuckin awesome

...training

2010-04-03T19:23:00.000-04:00

hit the reservoir bright and early to get some trail time in - logged in at a little over 9000 steps this morning. Decided that we must be able to run this route in 4 weeks time.

I have taken to wearing a pedometer to make sure I am getting in a minimum of 10,000 steps a day.

Two days of 4 mile plus hikes on hilly roads has definitely taken its toll on my lazy legs. Looks like I have a hot evening ahead of my hanging out in a super soft nightshirt and lazily doing nothing -

love it. especially that dull ache in my legs - they feel like they are coming alive again -

I hope the 2 pitchers of mimosas and crab bene at Mother's post workout didn't diminish the hard work we put in today -

although there is nothing like jumbo lump benes for breakfast as a reward...

the edge

2010-04-02T19:51:00.000-04:00

Come to the edge, he said.

They said: We are afraid.

Come to the edge, he said.

They came.

He pushed them and they flew.

girl crush

2010-04-02T19:34:00.000-04:00

daria

RSB*snap

2010-04-02T12:34:00.002-04:00

dday

2010-03-28T18:02:00.001-04:00

D*day. The day I decided to dash. Warrior Dash to be precise. They had me at Viking helmet. And finish line beer. But mostly Viking Helmet. Since the event is in October, I have roughly 6 months to train for an event that is attracting some super elite tri-type athletes and me, well I can barely run 2 blocks without gettting winded. BUT for the last 3 weeks I have been working out at least 5 days a week for an hour at a time. I have implemented a twice weekly zumba class into the workout schedule and next week will be throwing 2 weekly yoga sessions into the mix.

I feel like I need something to kick my "get in shape girl" in the ass and going and this is my solution. I have been meat-free for close to 2 months now - not one slip up. I thought this would lead to me eating more salads and more plant based foods, hopefully increasing my energy levels. The only main difference I have noticed is the lack of migraine headaches - not one since I gave up meat, which makes it worth it.

I will be using this blissful blog to chart my progress in become a bliss junkie warrior. The whole vibe of this event has me stoked beyond words - and I definitely wanted to get some kind of fitness event under my belt this year - and I am totally not a tri or marathon type of chica. Hell I dont even remember the last time I rode a bike. Although I have never rappelled down a cliff side, climbed a wall, leaped through flames or swam through a bog either - but they sound much more FUN!!! Life skills in case one ever does need to do those things to survive. Ha. I always thought of myself as a survivor. If we were marooned on a desert island, I would have no problem surviving - hell I'd probably love it. I dont know why I think this way because I am in the worst shape of my life and never took any kind of survival training but I just feel that it is in my constitution - ha

Luckily I will have my equally as crazy friend Danielle http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1141294685&ref=mf to train/encourage/whine and complain with me the whole way. And progress will be tracked using our successful Chuck Norris system -

So Week 1 Training Plan - CARDIO!!!

Yes, I know. I need to work on arm and core strength hardcore but I need to also be able to run at least 5 miles straight by the time the race comes along. And that needs to be trail running, not street running - a totally different beast. So I will be working cardio big time for the next 2 weeks and then start implementing other things -

Monday
am - 1 hour on elliptical pre-work
pm - 1 hour zumba class

Tuesday
am - 1 hour on elliptical pre-work
pm - yoga

Wednesday
am - 3 mile walk/jog around Loveton
pm - Zumba

Thursday
am - 1 hour elliptical/treadmill pre-work
pm - hot power yoga

Friday
pm - Restorative Yoga class

Saturday
am - 4-5 mile Reservoir hike

Sunday
REST

Everyday I also plan on putting in some core work - especially plank and some pilates. At least 15 minutes a morning. Technically there are 2 rest days because the restorative yoga is only light stretching and mostly a meditation like class.

Dietwise, I plan to have 1 large green juice or smoothie each day and have one meal be a leafy green salad. Lots of whole grains and beans and veggies. After Lent, I am considering bringing chicken back into my diet, once a week. I am undecided on this but it is very hard to cook both RSB and myself separate meals and poor RSB has been eating a lot of sandwiches lately. We shall see. I will not be eating red meat or pork anymore, I am sure about that. Also I will be joining WW, mainly just to map my progress - also they make you keep a food journal which is necessary when trying to lose weight. And I NEED to take off 50 lbs in the next 6 months. Should be interesting. Baby steps elude me.

xoxo

because something is happening here -

2010-03-28T17:34:00.003-04:00

spinning. caught up in the daily grind again and hating every second. we had a touch of spring of renewal which was energizing and cleansing, yet here we are with another chilly rainy weekend coming to a halt...
RSB is at band practice and the tree house is eerily silent - leaving me with my thoughts and my daydreams-
Thinking of how I need to get out, go anywhere that is just away - on my ipod this weekend while I was walking around loveton in the sparse sunshine came tp -

Well I started out down a dirty road
Started out all alone
And the sun went down, as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still

I used to have such a wanderlust - a desire to just get up and go somewhere -

just to see something, be somewhere, different.

Ignoring desires is no way to go through life, on this journey that is so short.

But there are bills to pay and a clock to punch, a 9-5 world to inhabit.

So practical and responsible.

How the hell did I get here ???

elemental

2010-02-20T13:35:00.000-05:00

josie

2010-02-11T19:36:00.000-05:00

Jojo soaking up some late afternoon light

gypsy soul -

2010-02-11T19:34:00.000-05:00

wishin it was a crisp fall dusk, camping with friends - I guess I would have to find friends who like to camp first -

inspiration, move me brightly ~

2010-02-11T19:28:00.000-05:00

Some images from my files that are stirring my fancy - sorry I don't have links -

Please see if she's wearing a coat so warm ~ to keep her from the howling winds

2010-02-11T19:18:00.000-05:00

Apparently the last few rounds of storms that we have had in the Baltimore area are historic, record breaking. Now they were hardly even flurries in comparison to some of the storms I have seen out in Tahoe in January but people were very unprepared and were panicking like it was freaking Armageddon. Granted, we WERE snowed in. The roads were disastrous and the snow was 4 - 6 feet high when all was said and done. But I enjoyed watching every flake dance in the gusting winds - there is a certain peace and almost eerie silence that accompanies a big storm. After the howling winds die down, there is utter white blissful tranquility. Which was so desperately needed after the last year -

I am always convincing myself that I could accomplish so much if I just had a few uninterrupted days - time to organize, to purge, to read, to write, to whatever is on the to-do list that week. Of course little, if anything, was actually accomplished.

Dreamy blog hopping. Net shopping. Lots of candles and incense and dimly lit rooms. Fuzzy uggs, baggy braless tops. Not too much thinking. Lots of time spent in bed, doing nothing. Cabin fever? Ha, I for one, am grateful to have a few peaceful days of not having to do anything or be anywhere for once. Spent doing nothing, because I didn't want to do anything.

Bliss...

counting stars by candle light

2010-01-03T14:29:00.002-05:00

The wind has been whipping through our little valley, rattling the old rental windows with each gust -
The bedroom gets it especially bad with windows facing two corners of the building. *Luckily* my wonderful generous mother gifted us an entire Northern Nights (thats right QVC) bedding set - gorgeous dove grey down comforter that is super warm and cozy - sheets softer than my 1000 thread count ultra expensive sheets - a super warm hotel quality blanket and beautiful cream and navy toile bedspread and pillow covers. Perfect for nestling in for a toasty night while the wind howled and shook the windows -
Lazy blissful holi*daze* spent drinking cardamom coffee with cinnamon and madagascar vanilla beans; lovely cozy cashmere layers; soul warming soup; heady scented candles - bliss for the bitter cold -

and if I die in Raleigh, at least I will die free

2009-10-10T16:32:00.005-04:00

We ventured on an early fall roadtrip, bound for North Carolina ~ RSB's parents had gifted us U2 tickets forever ago and of course both of us were itching to get away ~ which has been impossible as of late ~

Its still too warm down there ~

But we had a perfect playlist and clear blue skies and fattening southern grub~

wish we could do it again next month ~ to capture some beautiful fall scenery ~

~and on the drive home there was a perfect acoustic Harvest Moon to just bliss out ~~~

it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall ~

2009-07-24T07:47:00.002-04:00

it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall ~
Originally uploaded by ~blissjunkie~

My dreams have been crazy these last few weeks to say the least ~

People I havent seen or thought of in years are in them, playing an intregal part ~

Usually there is n overall sense of urgency, anxiety. Apocalyptic even.

Sometimes it makes me question decisions I have made along the way ~ some days I cannot believe I am 30 and still so lost in what I want my life to be ~ Ive always wanted different ~ not cookie cutter ~ but keep on finding myself in dreafully boring ordinary moments, with the talking heads lyrics running thru my head ~ this is not my life ~ how did I get here?

We are taking a boat to an island tomorrow with RSB's work, having a crab feast and then the two of us are beachbound for the night ~ OCMD ~ not as blissful as OCNJ but should *hopefully* have the chance to wrap my head around some things on the long ride down ~

And hopefully take some pictures ~ my soul is aching for some creative project to dig into ~

I've been dreaming a lot lately

2009-07-19T09:53:00.002-04:00

Just back from vacation ~ a few blissful weeks spent at the beach ~ with not a single rain soaked day ~ with a few jaunts between the jersey shore back home to sparks ~ so few vacation days at the new j-o-b.

Settling back into the grind ~ house a mess ~ Josie was ever so peeved that we abandoned her so she destroyed my bamboo and the carnage is still soaked into the carpet ~ i really should clean that up.

Beach life was an experiment in simplification ~ i brought a small duffel and a backpack full of books ~ an ipod loaded up with new tunes ~ and my camera ~ and I did not want for anything ~ perhaps let that spill over into the real world? The life that is cluttered with too many material and mental "things?"

classic

2009-01-28T16:29:00.003-05:00

i still dig this...

2009-01-25T18:22:00.001-05:00

...cusp of the new year

2009-01-25T17:33:00.005-05:00

I ventured down to Pasadena to see Jen and Roth; hang out in their new digs, oh so close to the bay...lucky lucky lucky to be so close to the water...unfortunately the town itself is complete lacking in well, everything. Trashy vibe, buildings blocking almost all views of the sea, people the furthest thing from salt of the earth...far away from the surftown vibe which I find idyllic...

We paid money for an unobstructed view of the water, $5 to enter a park, on the bay...we walked along the teeny beaches amongst the driftwood and flotsam tossed up by the sea, finding sea glass treasures to fill our pockets. We shuffled in absolute silence, contemplating the upcoming year, staring as the sun fell, leaving only a fiery red trail behind it...in the simple things lies lifes true bliss...sometimes one needs to feel the earth beneath their feet to find the balance.

I try to remember this as this year I have been thrust back into the corporate world which I thought I had left forever. I try to find my balance in the world of strict schedules, clocking in, minute details and analysis of every move. I am grateful to still have a job in this downtime, but still feel panic that hear I am, on the cusp of thirty, still not living the life I need to lead...

cheap vodka is never a good idea

2008-12-07T19:57:00.008-05:00

last night was the office christmas shindig...the booze was a flowin and I was not a knowin too many peeps so I ignored the cheap rail vodka they were making my drinks with...and have been paying for it...

but on a more blissful note...

on days like this...

there really is no place better than this...which led to a day on my macbook searching for something cozy with my feet still screaming from much too much standing around in my sparkly Jimmy Choos and I scored this Eileen Fisher (at a fraction of the price)

and trying to convince myself that Tory Burch flats are so worth splurging on...sigh...

the bliss project

2008-12-06T11:20:00.004-05:00

A challenge. Forgoing the excuses that I do not have a good camera, that I am too stressed, that the only photo editing software I have came with my mac book...there is something blissful in the raw, natural colors...So I am embarking on a challenge to myself to try to find something bliss inducing to post every day. Lofty.

The above shot is one I refer to in my head, as "last gasp." I took that along a hike around the reservoir one of those days when fall was a clinging on for just a second longer, before the grey came in and massacred all the color from the trees. It was a day when it was crisp enough for the ever trusty cable knit but not so cold you needed a jacket. There was still color everywhere. The last hurrah...

all by myself

2008-08-16T20:07:00.002-04:00

Another perfect east coast summer day. Cool enough to turn off the AC and open all of the huge windows in the treehouse and let some fresh air in. I arose early and decided to take in a 930 am yoga class...blissful, very meditative; wonderful start to the day. And I committed. I bought my 10 class pass, which we really cant afford right now, but RSB and I decided that I should put part of my raise towards things that enrich me on both the physical and soul level, especially since I have cut all of that out since RSB has been between jobs. I was grateful to be able to reconnect with my breath. My body is far from yoga shape but starting to practice again is the only way I am going to get there.

After class I came home to a still snoozing RSB and had a smoothie and some organic eggs on apple oat toast and just relished in the blissful calm waves coursing through my body. Then decided to do a mineral soak, slathering Mario Badescu Cucumber mask on my face, lighting some incense and candles and letting the hot fragrant water soak my muscles. Very peaceful, relaxing day...

Now here I am, 830 on a Saturday night, bored as hell. RSB is at a Ravens preseason game with his brother. Recently I have become ultra aware of how far away from my friends I actually am. All of my friends out here are actually his friends. So when RSB is off, doing his own thing, sometimes I become quite aware of actually how alone I am. Which usually doesnt bother me. I enjoy solitude at times. But then there comes those restless evenings where I just want to be anywhere but inside. Of course driving to an unfamiliar part of the city late at night to meet him after the game isn't really sounding too appealing...

So here I am, laying on my 1000 thread count sheets, listening to the crickets song, feeling the cool breeze rustling the curtains, kitty purring away next to me...and with al this soothing calmness I am completely amped and restless and have nothing to exert my energy into...not even a run since my ipod pooped out on me...

I should be cleaning up the place, finally finishing that final 10% of the unpacking, but thats even more unappealing than laying here...maybe sugar free redbulls late in the evening isnt exactly the greatest idea...

om

2008-08-11T23:42:00.003-04:00

So after much searching I have found it...yoga bliss. I was starting to feel like Goldilocks out here...nothing quite fit. And then bam, right across the street, a spa/yoga studio, which is the most blissinducing place I have been in a while...excluding the beach of course.

Lately I have been really disconnected on a mind-body-spirit level. I think about it, fret about, constantly. I silently watch myself eating foods which are not nourishing. I sit on my ass most of the day, too lazy to do anything except play on my macbook or watch tv and be a lazy stoner with RSB. An inner voice screams out, "another beautiful day, wasted" as I make excuses such as, I worked all week, I spent the last 2 weeks in school, its hot out, blah blah blah blah...finally sick of it, this weekend I treked out to the NCR Trail, which runs right behind my house for 20 miles, all the way to Pennsylvania. Very earthy, woodsy, wonderful. Wishing I had a bike...So I drug RSB and we wandered for a few miles, him not very happy to be there, me blissin out, feeling the earth under my feet. Last night he was spinning in Baltimore so I ventured out on my own and put in about 3 miles before the grumbling clouds scared me back to my car. And it felt good to get out in nature and move.

Then tonight, still high on my workout kick I decided to explore Ojas across the street. Bliss from the first second you walk in the door. A nice long shivasna, allowing me to reconnect to my body, to my mat. Already the soreness is setting in but the total blissed out vibe I have been feeling for the last few hours is drowning that out. After a good yoga practice everything seems so much more beautiful, sensations amplified. I am so happy I have found a place just to bliss out...

namaste

lazy weekends...

2008-08-10T08:28:00.002-04:00

School is finally done, thank god, and I have been back to work for a week, putting all my new insurance knowledge to work. Although the subject of insurance doesn't exactly move me, I love my job. I have satisfaction in what I am doing. I am well aware that I am not exactly living out my novelist living in a cottage by the sea ambitions (yet) but in the meantime, I am ever so grateful to be working where I am.

Money has been a little tight, so we have been getting creative with entertainment. Yesterday me and RSB hiking the NCR trail for a bit, which I am looking forward to doing again today. Apparently the East Coast dog days of August are giving us a brief reprieve from the heat and allowing us to go outside and enjoy the day. It feels so refreshing to have the earths energy pulsing under my feet again.

RSB is still snoozing peacefully as I tap away on the Macbook, drinking delicious fresh organic oj, listening to the owls and birds getting ready for their days. Soon I will tip toe in the bedroom and shower my love with kisses, hoping to awaken him and hopefully convince him to come shopping for some paints and hopefully cover a bit more of the NCR trail and get some pictures...there has always been the itch in my fingers, in my soul, to capture some of the beauty of the everyday moments in this wonderful life. As of late, I have found myself settling into lazy tv watching mode and I hate it. Now that our studio is almost set up, hopefully I will begin creating again, as now there is space to create...

Off to wake up RSB and hopefully venture out...

..the worst student ever

2008-07-20T17:35:00.002-04:00

So i am slacking, big time. Morseso than usual. I have excuses, I swear. Plenty of excuses of why I am not studying for my upcoming 2 weeks of classes and tests...plenty of excuse, very valid points in fact... But truth be told, I think I am slacking mostly because I think the subject matter is quite dull.

Yes I admit it. I would rather be reading something else, which I have been doing most of the weekend. Blazingly hot and sticky humid here on the Atlantic Coast. Fueled by an almond mocha blended, putting some last minture touches on the treehouse. It really is starting to come together and I am quite excited about my newly paired down closet/wardrobe. The imensity of my wardrobe was seriously daunting. As much as I love fashion, I gave in, getting rid of at least a third of my clothing. The closet is in order, the shoes are another story but I shall get around to it when I can...

RSB is feeling very restless without tv. I am the opposite, I find it much more relaxing without a constant stream of Law and Order or Orioles games running in the background.

It all ties in with the serenity that I am trying to achieve. Calm, peaceful, stressfree zone which is conducive for creating. We went out and bought RSB some sketch books and pencils today. The guitars are propped up around the office, begging to be played. He has a large countertop for tee shirt design. My workstation isnt completely in place but I'm not stressin it...this insurance class will completely tie up the next 2 weeks of my life.

So off to bed for some much needed shut eye. Tomorrow is my first day of school!!! I'm not nervous in the bit, nor have I put much thought into my outfit, very odd for me. Usually I have the first weeks clothing mapped out...I think more than anything, I'm just too tired to sweat the small things...

29 and holding...

2008-07-16T21:34:00.004-04:00

I'm amost 30. This scares me a little...ok this scares me a lot. I feel older than I should most days. Less than 9 months left until the big day rolls around. Friends who are either pregnant, engaged, married are constantly saying things like "this is the age we're SUPPOSED to be (fill in the blank with pregnant, engaged, married) and act like I am insane not be embracing their particular timeline. Then I realize that by 30, my grandmother had been married for 12 years and was the mother of 6. Scary.

So, although I am in no rush to be pregnant, married, engaged quite yet, there are a few things I would like to have under my belt by the big 3-0...

I would like to at least eat vegan/raw most of the week. My body just feels so much more efficient when I am eating well. My hair is so much shinier, my skin is clear and soft. I actually have energy that is not supplemented by 3+ cups of java a day. Before the move I went out and bought a juicer. The fridge is now stocked with fresh fruits and veggies, plenty of teas and kombucha and my purse is filled with Lara Bars for a quickie work breakfast. I am resolving to (on most days) only eat fruit before noon. I am going to start bringing brown steamed rice with beans to go along with my fresh salads at lunch. RSB is very opposed to cutting back on his carnivorous ways so he may be fending for himself more often than he is used to. I have been feeling very disattached from my body for far too long.

I want to make my home into a sanctuary. This truly appears to be quite the feat, as I sit here lazily wishing the bags and boxes would unpack themselves. I want to create a space that inspires both relaxation and creativity for both myself and RSB. I would like to get back to my writing and RSB needs to get back to his art. So we need to create a blissed out little boho den to get the creative juices a flowing in our office. I'm picturing blissful dank meals with good company and heady wine in the fall, when the leaves comprising our treehouse start to darken and become vibrant burgandies and firey oranges. A closet that is organized and spare, as opposed to the overflowing disaster that my closets usually are. A kitchen where I get to experiment with vegan yummy recipes and show RSB that veggies can be tasty.

I want to get back to yoga. Plain and simple. At least 3 days a week.

I want to master my occupation. No, being an insurance specialist is not my dream job. But I love my company and my wrk is satisfying in a strange way. So while I am being an insurance diva guru, I want to be the best damn insurance diva guru I can be. Which is why I am going to school for the next two weeks to get another insurance designation, while I am currently home studying for my ACSR.

A few achievable little goals to add to my neverending list...

Each day, each minute, each second in which you are still breathing, is a chance to turn it all around, start over again...like right now...and now...and now...off to grab some heady organic strawberry lemonade before I get started on the closet...

~with hope

our treehouse

2008-07-14T20:13:00.004-04:00

So we did it. We moved. We got the hell out. And damn does it feel good to sit here on my laptop, surrounded by bags and boxes, in front of my floor to ceiling windows which kitty loves so much, and just EXHALE...

The last three weeks have definitely been a whirlwind of activity. Lots of traveling, lots of packing, tons of carrying...there was the annual trip to Ocean City Nj with lots of walks on the beach and cold brews. Then there was our weekend jaunt to Raleigh NC to see Tom Petty and Steve Winwood. We stayed at RSB's parents place, which is an oasis situated behind a country club. Palm trees surround the oversized pool, nestled between more tall ancient trees. RSB's mother was constantly making alcoholic rainbow hued snowballs and the dank stoner food which RSB loves so much. Fresh fruit for me. Lying in an innertube, icy drink in my hand in the scorching NC sun, brought me a bit of the blissful relaxation that I so desperately needed,

Of course, being OCNJ reaffirmed for both myself and RSB that we need to move to a sleepy beach town within the next couple of years. We both crave to be by the sea, living life at a much more relaxed pace than we have of late. The only other place I would consider moving to is Tahoe. Nature-wise, it may be one of the most beautiful places in the country, Definately the most beautiful place I have ever been. If it weren't for RSB, I honestly believe that I would have moved there after leaving corporate hell. I just love having the missing half of my soul (RSB) too much to ever consider leaving him, even for paradise.

So here is where we ended up, freshly moved into our treehouse in the clouds. Leaves hang in front of all windows, a large beautiful tree is ingeniously placed in front of our enormous deck, which offers ultimate privacy. We are on the corner of the building so the back half of our place (the bedroom and the office) look out into enormous woods, where we saw a deer nibbling grass on the first day here. Fall is going to be amazing out here, I can tell already. And its only a mile jaunt to Wegmans and even less to the wellness center where I am about to start yoga classes. There are ridiculous amounts of hiking trails around here, I cant wait to get unpacked and really dig into them...

Can I? Dare I even utter it? I think for the first time, in a long time, life is good...

i hope you'll undertsand...

2008-06-25T20:51:00.003-04:00

i love you without knowing how,
or when,
or from where.
i love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
so i love you because i know no other way...

~pablo neruda~

when i say that something...

2008-06-25T20:19:00.003-04:00

Right now I have taken to sitting directly on the deck in an attempt to catch a wireless signal on my mac book. All the technical problems we have faced living here are maybe the thing I will miss least (besides the ants). I always thought to myself that I could totally live without my computer, without the tv. A simple life. Which I can, for the most part. But knowing you've paid your roommates for said services and that they decided to spend said money elsewhere...well, enough said. The move is exactly two weeks away and we are being such slackers. Nothing is packed except the stuff I never unpacked upon my move down here in January. I guess deep down I knew that I would not last long in this place. This black hole of no wireless signals...

Last night I convinced rockstar boyfriend a twilight stroll along the water was in order. Rockstar boyfriend is feeling stressed about my utter disgust regarding our living situation and is eager to move on (to the apartment he loved so much that he immediately decided that there was no need to look anywhere else) And he is quite understanding about my overwhelming need to start fresh in a place that is not teeming with negative energy...a fresh clean start, a new palette to create for our life together...and ever so patient when I decide I must capture the twilight fishers in just the right light...

We both keep putting off the inevitable purging. Even though we will both have our own walk-in closets along with plenty of other storage space, I want both of us to get rid of at least 25% of our clothing. We have so much, which always results in clutter, this having more than we need. Moving is the perfect time to declutter, to simplify. Our lifestyles, our possessions, our diets. A current preoccupation with purity, if you couldnt tell already...

To getting back to basics.

Simplifiction.

An attempt to escape that dorning feeling that has been engulfing me for years.

A chance to always feel as I do, when I reconnect with Mother Earth, barefeet in the grass, face up to the sun, heart filled with bliss.

The fix I so crave.

The bliss junkie that I am...

~gracefully

whats rockin my socks

2008-06-23T23:48:00.004-04:00

God Makes the Rivers to Flow ~ Eknath Easwaran

Kiehls Creme with Silk Groom

Vanilla Tulsi Tea

Found Sea Glass and Brass Necklaces

Peace Train ~ Natalie Merchant

Mini Ocean City NJ Vacation with Rockstar Boyfriend

Ultra baggy perfect linen pants from Target

Pefect Filmy white Eileen Fisher sweater

The new season of Weeds

~*~

new soul~

2008-06-23T23:07:00.002-04:00

~Lead me from the unreal to the real
Lead me from the darkness to the light
Lead me from death to immortality~
...taken from The Upanishads

Its been a long time since I have felt like I can just breathe...
Theres too much clutter, too many things...
Too many fatty unhealthy foods instead of the nourishing dankness that my body craves...
Too much hatred in my heart, not enough love...too much anger, not enough calm...
A cleanse is what I need. A deep spring cleaning of every inch of my being, down to the very depths of my soul. There is no better time than the present, no better moment than this. There will be a massive purge before the move. I plan on getting rid of almost half of my belongings. Rockstar boyfriend and I need the fresh start. Too many ghosts, too much hostility, too much saddness in this dank hole. Echoes of the neglected child upstairs, his unhappy tantrums, his sad childhood. I struggle with decisions on what is right, what should be done; when in reality the answer is quite clear. It is just not the path of least resistance which I seem to seek out lately...
My body is tired. Aching, I go to bed earlier and earlier and feel less and less refreshed when I wake up in the morning. The food I have been eating leaves me with a sick nausea in the pit of my stomach. I make excuses, like I dont want to cook anything in that kitchen with the ant infestation. I will cook when I get a kitchen that isnt likely to catch on fire and other such statements. Rockstar boyfriend is happy, this means easy meals like mac and cheese and hamburger helper and burgers. My living situation is only part of the problem.
For months I have been overfeeding my body and starving my soul.
I havent found a yoga class out here. I am checking out a class near my new home on Wednesday. The last one I went to was the furthest thing from spiritual. It was like yoga bootcamp on speed. This was the first yoga class that I wished was over before I was even 10 minutes into it...I've never felt so fat and inadequate in all my life...
I have been living amongst clutter for far too long. I feel like I am drowning.
I think a detoxifying diet is called for.
A calming weekend in Ocean City, then back for a 4 day holiday next week.
To gather my thoughts before the move, to calm my soul.

~*~

2008-06-19T20:42:00.001-04:00

I read and walked for miles at night along the beach,
writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness
and
change
my
life.

It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

Anna Quindlen

clarity

2008-06-18T23:17:00.002-04:00

I've taken to wearing a very stark palet.

White, Black, Dark Gray, dusty blues and dusty roses, creams...baggy flowing fabrics...mostly what I refer to as my beachy chica clothes. Flowy Eileen Fisher tops, oversized linen pants, mostly barefoot, tired of doing battle with the humidity in the apartment, usually without makeup, hair a curly mess.

I am slowly easing back into the UltraSimple Diet plan...going back to roots...simple to digest, pure, nourishing foods. No caffeine, always a hard one for me, being the java junkie that I am.

My body is screaming for simplification. I daydream about closets and storage and space. My current living situation stress is manifesting itself into every aspect of my life. Feeling overwhelmed last night, suffocated, I grabbed my camera and keys and drove down to the reservoir, enjoying a cooly breezy perfect dusk...

Driving, blissing out to Rachael Brady, I glanced over to seat next to me, and took in all the gadgets accompanying me on my "escape." Ipod, camera, cell phone/palm...all gadgets which are always in my possession...with a touch of a button, a slide of a wheel, a tap on a screen, I have instant internet connection, playlists of my favorite jams, hundreds of pictures, my agenda, my work email...how can one simplify, when one is so attached?

Dressed in white, toes loving the grass tickling under my Rainbows, I wandered besides the water, watching the fisherman, so oblivious, wading in the water, which is reflecting the orange of the sunset.

I found a rock, took to a yogi squat and was there, precisely in that moment. In that exact time and place, with no thoughts to the past, no frets about the future. Merely "being here now." I looked down to the water and right below the rock was a fish, just staring up at me. He was a big guy to, a catch to make any fisherman proud. And I just sat there and we just looked at each other, perfectly still. The went on for the duration of the sunset. I was so calm and my head was clear.

Blissfully I slowly wandered back to my car, amidst the artists painting the view, the lovers holding hands, the children and dogs wading in the water. I took the long way home, enjoying every blissful second with this cheesy ass grin on my face, determined in what I was going to do. I drove myself to Whole Foods and stocked up on some organic goodies for my detoxification. My body, my soul, my mind...all need to be healed. Enriched. Nourished. I am exhausted all the time. It seems like instead of the blissful everyday magical moments to which I should be devoting my energy, I choose to dwell on the shitty draining things. And I really don't want to waste even another fraction of a second with those vampires...

Splendid Isolation

2008-06-16T22:19:00.003-04:00

More often than not, I find comfort in solitude.

Walking deserted beaches first thing in the morning...

Hiking deep into woods, far outside of any cell zone...

Swimming out far into the water and just floating...

I look over the desolate wilderness up in the mountains of Tahoe and imagine what it would be like just to wander and know true silence...

Walking in the freshly falling snow, high above sea level, surrounded by the kind of cold that takes your breath away, wind stinging your face, and feeling so peaceful...

A perfect day...

2008-06-08T10:56:00.002-04:00

It was February and we decided to go to the beach. Isolated beach towns suit me just fine, I love the rawness of the elements and the emptiness. And the bone chilling cold of standing on the beach, entranced by the waves. Gray. Peaceful.

We booked an ocean front room in a hotel room like every other beach hotel room up and down the coast. We opened the doors to the sea and let the salty air filled the room, the sounds of waves violently crashing upon the shore. We sat there, silent. Mesmerized. Silently sipping our glasses, his usual captain and diet and myself a heady red.

The only time I really can stand going to Ocean City, MD is in the offseason. Its quiet and relaxing and not annoyingly overcrowded with drunken frat brats and scantily clad sorostitutes. I love throwing on my uggs and old jeans and well worn fishermans sweater, tying a long scraf around my neck, and wandering along the boards, watching the water. Rockstar boyfriend loves OC in the summertime. When it is pulsing with bodies, all trying to cram into the allready overcrowded bars, the already overcrowded beaches, 8 people to a hotel room. We balance each other out in that sense. We both crave opposite ends of the spectrum and always meet somewhere in the middle...

The next morning we rose early, faces cold, bodies warm snuggled under piles of blankets, listening to waves lap against the shore. Grudgingly we got dressed, bodies blissed out beyond words, relaxed to perfection. Grabbing our sunglasses, him his signature aviators, myself my classic Chanels and braved the chilly beach morning, instantly waking up our still sleepy bodies. We went to a quaint beachy restraunt which served piping hot coffee, strong, the way both of us like it. We both went for the house special breakfast, Lump Crab Eggs Benedict, our favorite. Our deadhead waiter chatted with us about music, in no rush, the offseason has a completely relaxed, less rushed vibe. Rockstar boyfriend and waiter traded a few tour stories, while I slowly lavished over my piping hot, deliciously warming coffee, watching the sun play on the water. Watching rockstar boyfriend, out of the corner of my eye, speak passionately about the his music and his band. Feeling so in love, so blissed out...

After breakfast, we walked in the cold February sun. We went to the funkiest little art gallery I have ever seen, spending hours digging through the piles of art, wandering through the mazes of painting and prints, finally agreeing on 4 painting for our walls, all framed in driftwood. Walking down the boardwalk, amidst the closed shops, feeling the sun on our faces, the salt in our hair, on our lips, silently holding hands.

We stayed and watched the sun set on the bay. Our drive home was dark and peaceful, jamming to the Dead, Michael Franti, Paul Simon, the Weepies, Warren Zevon and such. A perfectly blissful weekend before I started my new job.

I'm thinking back on that weekend, sweating in my crowded, starting to get packed up, un-air conditioned apartment in 90 degree heat. Looking at the piles of clothes on the floor, slacking on folding and sorting. I swear I just felt that cool ocean breeze on my skin...

~with sweaty grace

Whats Rockin My Socks...

2008-06-04T23:57:00.002-04:00

Moving to my new apartment

Eileen Fisher

Honest Tea Pomegranate Red Tea with Goji Berry

Soulshine ~ Warren Haynes

Chick Rocker Lit

Simply Vera line

Anthropologie

Sexxxy rockstar boyfriends voice when he sings

My perfect Bergdorf dress for a Santa Barbara wedding

Deepak, for saying this:

~The way of peace is a soul journey. . . .
If you can live from the level of your soul, you are doing something very special. The important thing is how much consciousness you add to the whole of human existence,
for that is how eternity expresses itself,
like a lamp shining through the window of eternity~

Sea Glass

Rainbow sunsets that wash the sky in pinks, magentas, plums, burgundys and purples

Found art, framed in driftwood, on a rainy ocean city day in the funkiest art gallery on the planet

~with thanks

Corporate Diva to...Happy

2008-06-04T22:39:00.002-04:00

About this time last year I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. While evaluating my life, I realized that I had everything I thought I wanted. An extremely well-paying job, a gorgeous overpriced apartment, a cool vehicle, nice clothes and accessories and a rockstar boyfriend who loved me, wholeheartedly. All I was missing from my perfect life was my beach house...oh and a little thing called bliss...

I was in insurance sales for the one of the largest companies in the world. And I was very successful. But everyday after work I would get in my car and cry. Bawl my eyes out the whole way to my deluxe apartment in the sky. And I was becoming mean. I was really starting to despise people. And myself. So I made a choice, one that I have never regretted. I walked away. With no other job lined up. Just walked away. It was either that or lose my soul. I chose the path which was most blissful and certainly least taken. I lived off the money I had saved for my beach house until February of this year, when I found my current blissful company, a company that actually has yoga Fridays until summertime and then its just halfday Fridays.

Of course, in a perfect world, I would not be working in insurance. My passion is writing. A passion which I have been surpressing these last couple of years. Its been so long since I have actually looked forward to going to work in the morning. But I have found this with the current insurance job. Sometimes a girl just has to pay the bills while pursuing her passion in her spare time. Thats the path I am on right now.

With the upcoming move I have decided I need to simplify...didnt someone, maybe Thoreau say, "when you simplify your life, the world becomes simpler." Well I am staring out at a big ol complicated mess which vaguely resembles my life. I think its in there somewhere under the clothes and purses and pottery barn throw pillows and shoes and beauty products. Just need to dig it out...

It just may take a little longer than I want it to, to locate it in all that rubble.

Rollin my sleeves on up.

Diggin on it.

~with hope~

josie

2008-06-02T23:25:00.002-04:00

This is Josie.

She is a dumpster kitty who was rescued by friends of ours this winter. Don't even get me started on the type of people who leave 2 little kittens in a box next to a dumpster in the middle of an East Coast winter. As a result, she definately has abandonment issues. She is a complete love bug, though, cuddle puss, who actually has conversations with you. She literally responds when you ask her a question with one of her dozens of different meows.

Rockstar boyfriend has actually trained her to jump from the floor up to his chest when he pats himself.

Now if I can just get her to sit still for pictures...

Josie and Paul on the way to Carolina...

moving on...

2008-06-02T00:18:00.002-04:00

This last year has been a twirly whirly storm of changes, picking me up, spinning me around, leaving me a bit disoriented...

I have not been able to find any kind of peace in my new home. At first, I rolled up my sleeves and dove in, fully believing that I could make Paul's apartment livable. Goodnaturedly (as always) Paul catered to each decorating whim that was tossed his way. Friends were shocked at how drastic of an improvement came along in such a short time. Yet, still I was unable to find that sense of tranquility that I so desperately longed for. I could blame it on the constant parade of ants marching across the kitchen wall. The bathroom that never dries. The drains that never really drain. The upstairs neighbors who basically define the phrase "neighbors from hell." The energy has always been off; no amount of smudging or incense burning or lovely art or crystals strategically placed in an attempt to create harmony could remedy this...

We are moving.

In a month.

To a very chill super cute community called Loveton Farms, far outside the city limits. As soon as I drove around the community I knew this was where my much needed serenity could be found.

Rockstar boyfriend has been stellar about the entire situation. Even though the move will virtually double our rent, he knows how much I despise where we are residing now. Lucky chica I am to have someone who understands my need for a harmonious atmosphere. It is a rather large top floor apartment overlooking the woods and about a mile from some of the kewlest hiking trails around. I am definately getting a bike :-)

We've been watching a lot of sunsets lately. Both of us are such beach bums and the $4/gallon gas has been keeping us pretty close to home lately. I dream of the ocean. I want to smell the salt, have squishy cold sand running between my toes, feeling the breeze that immediately brings curl to my hair. We have been making do with the reservoir. Vacation unfortunately will pretty much need to be bypassed this year. Only a few days with my family on our annual Ocean City NJ outing...I am so bummed. I walk on the beach for hours, just communing with the ocean. Standing in it in the early sun, freezing cold waves lapping up my calves. Absorbing as much calming energy as I can. This is the most effectual way of entering a state of ZEN for me...

Hopefully my new home will help accomplish that...

And soon we will move to the ocean...

~with grace

A Very Blissul Moment

2008-03-30T13:07:00.002-04:00

There is nothing a bliss junkie loves more than traveling, seeing new things, living a different life for a bit...and when one has an 8-4 job 5 days a week, sometimes the only way to accomplish this is through the imagination...

Oh my love affair with good books...my boyfriend has yet to comprehend why I would rather spend an hour (or two) after work with this lover, who steals my precious afterwork time from him...

food...

2008-03-30T12:44:00.002-04:00

I love food. To me there are very few pleasures that equal a good meal with good company. While I was "on hiatus" for the previous six months I chose to indulge...Paul and myself went out to eat 4, maybe 5 times a week. Cream of Crab soup, She-Crab soup, crabcakes, pasta, buttercream frosting snowballs...no whim did I abstain from. Now I find myself unable to button my work clothes from 6 months before and venturing towards...(ominous music)...the woman's department. It is impossible to be blissful with an extra 30 lbs on your frame...

So I have begun training to climb Mt Tallac in Lake Tahoe California. It is an 8 hours hike roundtrip and is apparently fairly difficult...but oh the views...

I have until the end of July/beginning of August. I am joining Weight Watchers. Getting a trainer at least once a week. And hiking. I drug poor Paul along for a reservoir hike with me yesterday...5 miles!!! But damn am I aching now. And of course the ribeye (and acai juice) I downed after the fact didnt really help my cause...a bliss junkie unfortunately loves to satisfy all her cravings which means this girl needs to grab some control and QUICK.

Wild Dreams of a New Beginning

2007-11-08T01:41:00.000-05:00

Wild Dreams of a New Beginning

There's a breathless hush on the freeway tonight
Beyond the ledges of concrete
restaurants fall into dreams
with candlelight couples
Lost Alexandria still burns
in a billion lightbulbs
Lives cross lives
idling at stoplights
Beyond the cloverleaf turnoffs
'Souls eat souls in the general emptiness'
A piano concerto comes out a kitchen window
A yogi speaks at Ojai
'It's all taking pace in one mind'
On the lawn among the trees
lovers are listening
for the master to tell them they are one
with the universe
Eyes smell flowers and become them
There's a deathless hush
on the freeway tonight
as a Pacific tidal wave a mile high
sweeps in
Los Angeles breathes its last gas
and sinks into the sea like the Titanic all lights lit
Nine minutes later Willa Cather's Nebraska
sinks with it
The sea comes over in Utah
Mormon tabernacles washed away like barnacles
Coyotes are confounded & swim nowhere
An orchestra onstage in Omaha
keeps on playing Handel's Water Music
Horns fill with water
ans bass players float away on their instruments
clutching them like lovers horizontal
Chicago's Loop becomes a rollercoaster
Skyscrapers filled like water glasses
Great Lakes mixed with Buddhist brine
Great Books watered down in Evanston
Milwaukee beer topped with sea foam
Beau Fleuve of Buffalo suddenly become salt
Manhatten Island swept clean in sixteen seconds
buried masts of Amsterdam arise
as the great wave sweeps on Eastward
to wash away over-age Camembert Europe
manhatta steaming in sea-vines
the washed land awakes again to wilderness
the only sound a vast thrumming of crickets
a cry of seabirds high over
in empty eternity
as the Hudson retakes its thickets
and Indians reclaim their canoes

~Lawrence Ferlinghetti~

angelheaded hipster?

2007-11-08T00:53:00.000-05:00

the lonely girl with many friends,
dreamt of a world filled with smokey coffee shops,
jazz cats reading poetry,
hipsters,
bohemian mecca.

And one night,
after breathing in some sweet dank,
her lungs exploding with the thickness of the smoke,
she caught eyes with another loner hipster,
sealing the moment forever in her mind,
smoky, hazy, tribal.

Fascinated by the rain, entranced by the beat and the pounding against the windows, roof,
angry,
blue.

She would write poetry, to be shared with no other.
She would read all the greats. She would go to college,
hate the structured scheduled life and stop going to class, bored.

Art and jazz and coffee houses would be her teachers.
She would scribble furiously, energized by caffeine and creativity,
searching for her god, her inspiration, her meaning. Fueled by jazz. Scrambled.

wanderlust engulfing her, pulsing through her veins. the desire to see, to find her place. search for the dharma. enlightenment.

Heady reds made her head fuzzy, her thoughts dance. Odd jobs would pay for her home, a refuge for other likeminded souls, where until the dim lights of dawn touched the corners of the black night, they would conversate kerouac, ginsberg, burroughs, hesse, rand, blake...the dreamers, the hipsters, the brilliant.

oh she ached deep in her soul. walls filled with hastily penned odes, laments and lost dreams.
meaning so close, almost within her grasp. sketches from friends. lovers who touched her deeply, spiritually. aching for this world.

existance on a higher plane. drugs. tribal heady beats was her bloodflow. mesmorized by the junkies, faded, stooped, quiet, almost dead.

walking dark streets, fearless, or maybe not, scared she would never find her place, her love. her home. for that is the longing of every person.
home.
sanctuary.

fallen angel. entranced by bass,
beat,
the promise of mysterious...

some blissful things...

2007-11-07T20:55:00.000-05:00

You know those days when your head is pounding, your throat is sore and you ache everywhere and all you can do is promise yourself that when you feel normal again,
that you will make damn sure to appreciate it???

well its been one of those days...

to divert my thoughts to some more pleasant things...

really, hands down the greatest when you're fighting a cold...plus its yummy!!!

miracle for us curly knotty haired chicas

wary meyers turquoise

Ive been dying for a pendant lamp and now theres a wall decal???? blisssssssinducing

memories of halloween at the beach...

also memories of cold sand squishing between my toes

New SF art for when I move into Pauls...3 months and counting!!!

have i mentioned?

2007-11-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

that I LOVE this man???

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

~ ee cummings ~

2007-11-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

...so autumn is completely upon us here in the east coast...

right now a homemade soup composed of organic chicken and fresh fall veggies is bubbling on the stove...

sick, sniffly, chugging emergen-c and xxx vitamin water, trying to fend off the impending cold...refusing to turn on the heat, instead grateful for nights when a few extra fuzzy blankets is all you need...

Definately the ideal time for a leisurely hike, enveloped in solitude. Nubby sweater, expensive cableknit which I scored for $10 (originally tagged at $398) last summer...well worn uggs which purchased in the height of the madness which still serve my feet well...come out of the closet. The longing to capture on film the changing leaves, flames bursting in reds, maroons, purples and gold, engulfing the trees...the brief moment, a tiny pause in breath, before they tumble to the ground...and we are left with only the promise of darkness and winter...

Mmmm...nothing makes me happier than fall...

she wears an egyptian red ring

dreamy bedroom

Faces & Spaces

and the preacher said "you know you always have the lord by your side"

simple things

~ as moonlight through the pines

35 by 35

aspiring ~

fear

Simplicity

One.

gratitude

-and then I forgot it

selby lust

dylan @merriweather

inDEADnation

...training

the edge

Come to the edge, he said.

They said: We are afraid.

Come to the edge, he said.

They came.

He pushed them and they flew.

*girl crush*

RSB*snap

*d*day

because something is happening here -

elemental

*josie*

gypsy soul -

inspiration, move me brightly ~

Please see if she's wearing a coat so warm ~ to keep her from the howling winds

counting stars by candle light

and if I die in Raleigh, at least I will die free

it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall ~

I've been dreaming a lot lately

classic

i still dig this...

...cusp of the new year

cheap vodka is never a good idea

*the bliss project*

all by myself

om

lazy weekends...

..the worst student ever

29 and holding...

our treehouse

i hope you'll undertsand...

when i say that something...

whats rockin my socks

new soul~

~*~

clarity

Splendid Isolation

A perfect day...

Whats Rockin My Socks...

Corporate Diva to...Happy

*josie*

moving on...

A Very Blissul Moment

food...

Wild Dreams of a New Beginning

angelheaded hipster?

some blissful things...

have i mentioned?

girl crush

dday

josie

the bliss project

josie