Saturday, October 10

and if I die in Raleigh, at least I will die free

We ventured on an early fall roadtrip, bound for North Carolina ~ RSB's parents had gifted us U2 tickets forever ago and of course both of us were itching to get away ~ which has been impossible as of late ~

Its still too warm down there ~

But we had a perfect playlist and clear blue skies and fattening southern grub~

wish we could do it again next month ~ to capture some beautiful fall scenery ~

~and on the drive home there was a perfect acoustic Harvest Moon to just bliss out ~~~

Friday, July 24

it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall ~

My dreams have been crazy these last few weeks to say the least ~

People I havent seen or thought of in years are in them, playing an intregal part ~

Usually there is n overall sense of urgency, anxiety. Apocalyptic even.

Sometimes it makes me question decisions I have made along the way ~ some days I cannot believe I am 30 and still so lost in what I want my life to be ~ Ive always wanted different ~ not cookie cutter ~ but keep on finding myself in dreafully boring ordinary moments, with the talking heads lyrics running thru my head ~ this is not my life ~ how did I get here?

We are taking a boat to an island tomorrow with RSB's work, having a crab feast and then the two of us are beachbound for the night ~ OCMD ~ not as blissful as OCNJ but should *hopefully* have the chance to wrap my head around some things on the long ride down ~

And hopefully take some pictures ~ my soul is aching for some creative project to dig into ~

Sunday, July 19

I've been dreaming a lot lately

Just back from vacation ~ a few blissful weeks spent at the beach ~ with not a single rain soaked day ~ with a few jaunts between the jersey shore back home to sparks ~ so few vacation days at the new j-o-b.

Settling back into the grind ~ house a mess ~ Josie was ever so peeved that we abandoned her so she destroyed my bamboo and the carnage is still soaked into the carpet ~ i really should clean that up.

Beach life was an experiment in simplification ~ i brought a small duffel and a backpack full of books ~ an ipod loaded up with new tunes ~ and my camera ~ and I did not want for anything ~ perhaps let that spill over into the real world? The life that is cluttered with too many material and mental "things?"

Sunday, January 25

i still dig this...

...cusp of the new year

I ventured down to Pasadena to see Jen and Roth; hang out in their new digs, oh so close to the bay...lucky lucky lucky to be so close to the water...unfortunately the town itself is complete lacking in well, everything. Trashy vibe, buildings blocking almost all views of the sea, people the furthest thing from salt of the earth...far away from the surftown vibe which I find idyllic...

We paid money for an unobstructed view of the water, $5 to enter a park, on the bay...we walked along the teeny beaches amongst the driftwood and flotsam tossed up by the sea, finding sea glass treasures to fill our pockets. We shuffled in absolute silence, contemplating the upcoming year, staring as the sun fell, leaving only a fiery red trail behind the simple things lies lifes true bliss...sometimes one needs to feel the earth beneath their feet to find the balance.

I try to remember this as this year I have been thrust back into the corporate world which I thought I had left forever. I try to find my balance in the world of strict schedules, clocking in, minute details and analysis of every move. I am grateful to still have a job in this downtime, but still feel panic that hear I am, on the cusp of thirty, still not living the life I need to lead...