Sunday, November 28

~ as moonlight through the pines

lake lanier islands, ga

Atlanta v Baltimore (sideline pregame)

the view ~~~

 definitely a little slice of heaven on the beaches of lake lanier islands, ga 
(at least in the off season)
Completely desolate
tree tops on fire
crystal, reflecting the flaming leaves
as autumn fades into winter

pure bliss

completely awakening my lust to get out there
planning my next escape 

Monday, September 6

35 by 35

Tis the time for lists - they are everywhere - of course mine marks no particular milestone - except that every day is a new beginning ~~~below are 35 things to accomplish before 35 (April 10, 2014)

1.  Drive cross country - the plains, the peaks, the Americana - take it all in - while driving down a desert highway on a Harley Davidson sounds like freedom to me, realistic me would be happy to do so in a car.

2.  Learn to surf.

3.  Hike to the top of a mountain and take it all in.

4.  Read 250 more books - that works out to about 71/year.

5.  Write a novel.

6.  Live by the sea.

7.  Live far away from the city.

8.  Go to Hawaii.

9.  Watch the Northern Lights in Alaska.

10.  Drive the California coast.  Visit Big Sur.

11.  Stand on a cliff overlooking the sea.

12.  Learn to SCUBA dive.

13.  Lay in a field in the middle of nowhere and watch the Harvest Moon.

14.  Explore Maryland - try to plan a road trip once a month to a town where we've never been and immerse ourselves in the culture.

15.  Photograph it all -

16.  Run a 5k.

17.  Learn a new dish a month - take cooking classes - invite friends over for wine and to sample new cooking ways.

18.  Find the thing that makes me ecstatically happy and indulge in it.

19.  Spend way too much on a timeless a) purse  b) pair of heels & c) watch

20.  Volunteer time, money, love, something (without any thought to how it will benefit me)

21.  Go back to school.

22.  Pick a topic that interests me and immerse myself in everything I can in regards to said topic, moving on to a new one by month's end.  Art, religion, music, philosopher - the sky is the limit - to be a student again (on my own terms).

23.  Fill my home with only items I love, wear only clothing I love, devote my time to interests that I love -

24.  Take a train ride up the east coast in the fall.  Maybe to Maine (14 hours!)  Maybe somewhere coastal along the way -

25.  Camp out under the stars.  Swim in cool fall water.  Unplug somewhere with my love.

26.  Go to the Sea of Cortez.

27.  Discover the secret to making Busch's She Crab Soup.

28.  Get a boat - spend weekends sleeping on said boat.

29.  Cliff dive.

30.  Make it a priority to catch the sunsets and sunrises in this life.

31.  Discover the perfect coffee bean.

32.  Wake up on the beach after a night of drinking heady wine under the stars with my love.

33.  Go on a long distance bike ride.

34.  Institute a yearly girls only adventure.

35.  Plant an herb garden (&not kill everything within 2 weeks)

Monday, August 16

aspiring ~

{Sedona, AZ  2005}

last month we moved.  finally.  it was a ridiculously cleansing process.
we purged.
and then purged some more.
holding on to 'necessities' 
letting go of clutter.
it needed to be done 
as we were drowning in stuff -

living in a space which for 2 years never felt like home.
not even temporarily.

we moved closer to the city ~ away from the quiet isolation of sparks

there is space here - clean open space

we are slowly unpacking, only bringing things in that we truly love ~
and improving upon the things that we cannot yet afford to completely replace (PB slipcovers for the cream couches that may have truly given their all for rock&roll)
planning dinners ~ resurrecting the breaking of bread amongst friends
eager to try new things in the spacious kitchen that I plan on sprucing with chalkboard paint 
&teal french doors

still far away from the sea

but will do for now ~

a farmers market, a block away, with perfect corn on the cob that I could literally eat for dinner every night (much to RSB's horror as he does not consider buttery, old bay spiced corn to be that filling of a dinner)

space to get back to my yoga practice
 (which has been woefully ignored since the beginning of July)

an area just for me to edit & write & read to my heart's content

its so close to being there ~
just in need of a little nurturing &
creativity &
love &

Sunday, June 20


I've started and restarted this at least 5 times so far.
Something ingrained in my subconscious keeps screaming "fear is weakness & vulnerability"
Now I am wondering if vulnerability is such a bad thing -

I think jumping out of planes is fun.
Heights are exhilarating.
Public speaking - no big deal.
Swimming in the middle of the ocean is tranquil.
Being alone is peaceful.
Death will come eventually, no need to question the inevitable.
I walked out on an unsatisfying well paying job without anything lined up or even the remotest inkling of a plan.


Money.  So taboo.  Admitting you sometimes don't know how you're going to make it to the next paycheck makes me almost feel ashamed.
I should have it figured out - at least the money stuff - I did have it figured out.
And then the bottom dropped out and the economy went to the shitter.
It keeps sleep at bay.  The worry.  The drowning sensation.
The adjusting bills and calling companies and asking for extensions.
The not knowing in this arena terrifies me.


{because they are like fuzzy snakes}


Wasting potential.
{i consider this the greatest tragedy in a lifetime}
I don't know if this is a feeling everyone has,
burning in their gut...
The absolute gnawing growing knowledge that you are supposed to DO something
Accomplish something
Live a life of greatness.
A sharp pain every day you let go by, slip away
Without taking one positive step towards at least understanding what it is
YOU are Supposed

I fear that the days will continue to slip by and I will never figure it out.
I will continue to dabble in things that bring me joy
And devote too much time and energy to things that do not.

We all have to do things we don't like
They Say
That is just the way it is

But Why?


I fear I will never live by the sea as I want
Life keeps on getting in the way


I used to fear BEING ALONE
I got over that
I realized that is was my fear of never having someone who really 
&then I began to love me.
Now I revel in time to myself
{shivasna especially}

Wednesday, June 16


Every single time I feel things getting out of control
My solution is to simplify.
Or at least that is the solution that I think will magically solve all my woes.
Drowning in bills and can't seem to catch your breath?
Well simplification will help conserve money.
Everything out of your life feel completely out of control, wizard of oz, house in a twister kind of well?
Well of course simplification will help you gain control again.
Heartbroken, lustful, greedy, envious (inject any of the other deadly sins)
Why, my dear, simplification is surely the key.

I grasp onto this notion.  Focus on it.  Make plans on how to manifest this simplification notion into a reality.  I make lists, mental and physical.
I start the daunting task of organizing and cleaning and packing up bags for Goodwill.
Oh my closet is starting to look good without so much clothing.
Things are picking up.

Simplifying may very well be the cure all duct tape to life!

Day 3 of rice and beans.  Some raw veggies.  Simple simple simple.  That will kick start my newest diet/detox/lifestyle.
No I don't miss those iced skinny vanilla lattes AT ALL.
This simple plain green tea will do just fine.  Yummy.

Eagerly waiting for the stress to melt away.
I've adopted a simpler way of living you know.
Raw, fresh, essentials.
Attachments be gone.

Its about 5 days in that I officially crack.
Possessions bagged up for goodwill sit by the front door, creating clutter.
Piles that were once so neatly organized kicked over, bedroom floor even more disastrous than before.
A pizza binge because it is so much better than waiting 45 minutes for the brown rice to steam.
Dishes piling up in the sink from too many late nights.
Snarling at RSB and kitty because they comment on the toppled piles and bags piled by door as I angrily pound a venti iced skinny vanilla latte.

More time goes by.
Corporate hell draining, funds tights (again), a move looming.
When I move I will simplify.
Perfect timing to start fresh.
Let this place go to hell for the next month.
Then I will begin anew.
Beach vac-a-tion at the beginning of July will be the jump start I need.
1 duffel of clothes.  Makeup free.  Books and ipod.
Fresh farm raw food.
Beach.  Sand.  Salty air.
Simplification at its finest.
Away from all distractions.
I have this all planned out.
The beginning of a simpler, stress free life 
{as I hastily rob Peter to pay Paul with bills}
{and the dishes are overflowing the sink}
{and the recently laundered yoga clothes are in a pile on the bed unfolded wrinkling}
{and the cat is lost somewhere under a pile of too skinny and too fat clothes meowing pitifully}

Yes stress free simplicity
Starts 7/1


Tuesday, June 8


I have a secret.  I am really a skinny athletic yogi trapped in a chubby sweaty girls body.  Its the truth.  She is literally dying to escape.
She is beyond pissed that she can't touch her toes anymore without bending her knees.
98% to backbend is unacceptable to her.
She feels nauseous when she catches a glimpse of herself in mirrors, round and struggling to get into a pose, boobs and belly in the way.
But tonight, for the first time in a long time the chubby yogi and secret skinny mean yogi found common ground.
For the first time
In a long time
There was peace instead of pain in downward dog.
In downward dog the skinny bitch shut her judgmental trap and the chubby yogi found bliss in pose she had been struggling with since getting back into yoga 3 months ago.
For the first time in a long time they were one
Totally entranced in the moment.
&the skinny bitch stayed quiet all the way home.


The 21.5.800 Challenge came most unexpectedly.  But I am ever so glad it did.  
In my heart of hearts I am a writer.  A photographer.  But a writer first and foremost.
But blocked.
Very much so.
Blogging - something I always thought would come so easy to me - has been a challenge.
Lately I have been fearful that I have nothing all that interesting to say.  That maybe I peaked in college (gasp)
That I have been so engrossed in the corporate nightmare that I have lost my desire to live creatively
But with the pledge to write each day, for 21 days.
I feel.
A little sore (probably from the double dose of yoga yumminess today)

&ever so grateful.

As I am about to embark on such a blissful journey.

*Seaside (in my mind) of course*

Sunday, May 23


some things bringing super smiles to my face today

signing the lease on a new place I love &I am completely stoked to create my new home - any chance to deco is definitely worthy of a fist pump
& finally being able to create a home here in Charm City as opposed to just a place to lay my head (at least for the time being)

dear dear faithful lost -
you have kept me mesmerized during your entire run.
&tonight it is all coming to an end.
Between losing you &jack bauer whatever will RSB &I have to watch together???
I mean until Sons returns in September (yay Peggy Bundy for being in 2 of my favest shows)
So many questions -
Please do not disappoint.

RSB, my soul - ever so patient with my manic behavior - 
can't wait to snuggle in for the 4 hour lost-a-thon with you -

Neverending pots of coffee from local yokel coffee shop - thank you for keeping me going today 
&probably fueling my all night study session


Saturday, May 22

-and then I forgot it

Once I discovered the meaning of life - love - exisistence - everything.
It was sitting on a dock on a clear day in January in South Tahoe.  It was perfectly silent, wonderfully grey, 50 degree day that you get right before a storm rolls in.
We got Starbucks and ate brownies of the most heady variety.  Gifted, wonderfully chocolatey decandent dank goodness.  We munched on them on the short drive to the dock.  Nestled amongst the mountain, white and seeming so small.  There was a vastness to the indescribable blue of the glass smooth water, lapping softly on the wood.  There was greyish old snow on the ground, slowly melting, running over the rocks into the water.
We sat there for hours.  Taking it all in.  In silence, drinking our coffees and thoughts racing, perfect calm.
Finally the pulsating waves grew further apart.
&there was a second I grasped it all - understood everything.
&instantly forgot

heres to the chance to discover it all again

Sunday, April 11

selby lust



Gucci Bike 

Saturday, April 3

dylan @merriweather

how I knew he was the one -

he took me to see dylan.  why?  not because he wanted to see him (which he totally did) but because he knew dylan was my fave & I had never seen him - & because I told him that I knew my previous ex wasn't the one, as he would not take me to see him because he "hated his music."
So we went &sat in the grass &drank beers &took it all in.
&I love RSB more each and every day


RSB's newest venture - reworking the tunes of GD - fuckin awesome

hit the reservoir bright and early to get some trail time in - logged in at a little over 9000 steps this morning.  Decided that we must be able to run this route in 4 weeks time.

I have taken to wearing a pedometer to make sure I am getting in a minimum of 10,000 steps a day.

Two days of 4 mile plus hikes on hilly roads has definitely taken its toll on my lazy legs.  Looks like I have a hot evening ahead of my hanging out in a super soft nightshirt and lazily doing nothing -

love it.  especially that dull ache in my legs - they feel like they are coming alive again -

I hope the 2 pitchers of mimosas and crab bene at Mother's post workout didn't diminish the hard work we put in today -

although there is nothing like jumbo lump benes for breakfast as a reward...

Friday, April 2

the edge

Come to the edge, he said. 

They said: We are afraid. 

Come to the edge, he said. 

They came. 

He pushed them and they flew.

*girl crush*



Sunday, March 28


D*day.  The day I decided to dash.  Warrior Dash to be precise.  They had me at Viking helmet.  And finish line beer.  But mostly Viking Helmet.  Since the event is in October, I have roughly 6 months to train for an event that is attracting some super elite tri-type athletes and me, well I can barely run 2 blocks without gettting winded.  BUT for the last 3 weeks I have been working out at least 5 days a week for an hour at a time.  I have implemented a twice weekly zumba class into the workout schedule and next week will be throwing 2 weekly yoga sessions into the mix.  

I feel like I need something to kick my "get in shape girl" in the ass and going and this is my solution.  I have been meat-free for close to 2 months now - not one slip up.  I thought this would lead to me eating more salads and more plant based foods, hopefully increasing my energy levels.  The only main difference I have noticed is the lack of migraine headaches - not one since I gave up meat, which makes it worth it.

I will be using this blissful blog to chart my progress in become a bliss junkie warrior.  The whole vibe of this event has me stoked beyond words - and I definitely wanted to get some kind of fitness event under my belt this year - and I am totally not a tri or marathon type of chica.  Hell I dont even remember the last time I rode a bike.  Although I have never rappelled down a cliff side, climbed a wall, leaped through flames or swam through a bog either - but they sound much more FUN!!!  Life skills in case one ever does need to do those things to survive.  Ha.  I always thought of myself as a survivor.  If we were marooned on a desert island, I would have no problem surviving - hell I'd probably love it.  I dont know why I think this way because I am in the worst shape of my life and never took any kind of survival training but I just feel that it is in my constitution - ha

Luckily I will have my equally as crazy friend Danielle to train/encourage/whine and complain with me the whole way.  And progress will be tracked using our successful Chuck Norris system -

So Week 1 Training Plan - CARDIO!!!

Yes, I know.  I need to work on arm and core strength hardcore but I need to also be able to run at least 5 miles straight by the time the race comes along.  And that needs to be trail running, not street running - a totally different beast.  So I will be working cardio big time for the next 2 weeks and then start implementing other things -

am - 1 hour on elliptical pre-work
pm - 1 hour zumba class

am - 1 hour on elliptical pre-work
pm - yoga

am - 3 mile walk/jog around Loveton
pm - Zumba

am - 1 hour elliptical/treadmill pre-work
pm - hot power yoga

pm - Restorative Yoga class

am - 4-5 mile Reservoir hike


Everyday I also plan on putting in some core work - especially plank and some pilates.  At least 15 minutes a morning.  Technically there are 2 rest days because the restorative yoga is only light stretching and mostly a meditation like class.

Dietwise, I plan to have 1 large green juice or smoothie each day and have one meal be a leafy green salad.  Lots of whole grains and beans and veggies.  After Lent, I am considering bringing chicken back into my diet, once a week.  I am undecided on this but it is very hard to cook both RSB and myself separate meals and poor RSB has been eating a lot of sandwiches lately.  We shall see.  I will not be eating red meat or pork anymore, I am sure about that.  Also I will be joining WW, mainly just to map my progress - also they make you keep a food journal which is necessary when trying to lose weight.  And I NEED to take off 50 lbs in the next 6 months.  Should be interesting.  Baby steps elude me.


because something is happening here -

spinning.  caught up in the daily grind again and hating every second.  we had a touch of spring of renewal which was energizing and cleansing, yet here we are with another chilly rainy weekend coming to a halt...
RSB is at band practice and the tree house is eerily silent - leaving me with my thoughts and my daydreams-
Thinking of how I need to get out, go anywhere that is just away - on my ipod this weekend while I was walking around loveton in the sparse sunshine came tp -

Well I started out down a dirty road
Started out all alone
And the sun went down, as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still
I used to have such a wanderlust - a desire to just get up and go somewhere - 
just to see something, be somewhere, different.  
Ignoring desires is no way to go through life, on this journey that is so short.  
But there are bills to pay and a clock to punch, a 9-5 world to inhabit.  
So practical and responsible.  
How the hell did I get here ???

Thursday, February 11


Jojo soaking up some late afternoon light

gypsy soul -

wishin it was a crisp fall dusk, camping with friends - I guess I would have to find friends who like to camp first -

inspiration, move me brightly ~

Some images from my files that are stirring my fancy - sorry I don't have links -

Please see if she's wearing a coat so warm ~ to keep her from the howling winds

Apparently the last few rounds of storms that we have had in the Baltimore area are historic, record breaking.  Now they were hardly even flurries in comparison to some of the storms I have seen out in Tahoe in January but people were very unprepared and were panicking like it was freaking Armageddon.  Granted, we WERE snowed in.  The roads were disastrous and the snow was 4 - 6 feet high when all was said and done.  But I enjoyed watching every flake dance in the gusting winds - there is a certain peace and almost eerie silence that accompanies a big storm.  After the howling winds die down, there is utter white blissful tranquility.  Which was so desperately needed after the last year -

I am always convincing myself that I could accomplish so much if I just had a few uninterrupted days - time to organize, to purge, to read, to write, to whatever is on the to-do list that week.  Of course little, if anything, was actually accomplished.  

Dreamy blog hopping.  Net shopping.  Lots of candles and incense and dimly lit rooms.  Fuzzy uggs, baggy braless tops.  Not too much thinking.  Lots of time spent in bed, doing nothing.  Cabin fever?  Ha, I for one, am grateful to have a few peaceful days of not having to do anything or be anywhere for once. Spent doing nothing, because I didn't want to do anything.


Sunday, January 3

counting stars by candle light

The wind has been whipping through our little valley, rattling the old rental windows with each gust -
The bedroom gets it especially bad with windows facing two corners of the building. *Luckily* my wonderful generous mother gifted us an entire Northern Nights (thats right QVC) bedding set - gorgeous dove grey down comforter that is super warm and cozy - sheets softer than my 1000 thread count ultra expensive sheets - a super warm hotel quality blanket and beautiful cream and navy toile bedspread and pillow covers. Perfect for nestling in for a toasty night while the wind howled and shook the windows -
Lazy blissful holi*daze* spent drinking cardamom coffee with cinnamon and madagascar vanilla beans; lovely cozy cashmere layers; soul warming soup; heady scented candles - bliss for the bitter cold -